Years ago I met this guy on line. We chatted for a while. He asked me if I knew who the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy were and I quoted a few lyrics of one of their songs. He was so excited that I knew who they were because he wanted someone to go to the concert with. We made our date for our first meeting before we went to the concert. One of my favorite restaurants....Smokey Bones.
We meet at the restaurant and he is floored apparently. He tells me I look much better in person....duh! of course I do! lol After we eat we went to Wal Mart to do some shopping. Now I know I know....you're thinking Wal Mart what the....?? It was my idea. I lived in Ybor at the time and had to do my grocery shopping where and whenever I could. This is where it went down hill. I am not sure exactly of all things that happened but it was just one of those things. Comments that were made I guess.
Well, a few days before the concert I planned an evening out with my friends for $1 beers at Green Iguana in Ybor. I told him he could join us if he wanted. He took me up on it but got there at least 40 minutes before everyone else.....including me. He always told me he doesn't drink much but when I got there he was on his 2nd rum runner. Uhm.....hello.....rum runner? Seriously? There are 5 different liquors in that drink. Needless to say he was a little tipsy. He brought me a CD of BBVD music.
When I go to this Green Iguana I hung out at a specific bar with a specific bartender and Mr. Rum Runner wouldn't leave the bar he was at. Which was fine with me because I was hanging with my peeps. He has one more rum runner which now has put him over the edge. He is a little sloppy and his conversation skills have become incoherent. He told me he was leaving and I told him that was not a good choice. He wouldn't give me his keys and I couldn't get them from him. He went to the restroom and ended up taking off.
The bartender had my purse all night and when I asked for it back I looked at my cell phone and Mr. Rum Runner had called me several times. He left a message saying it was an emergency. Now I am panicking. I call him back but he said everything was okay.
Here is what happened. He drives his drunk ass home (thankfully he didn't kill anyone in that serious act of stupidity). When he gets home he locks his keys in the car. In this day and age of keyless entry. Anyhoo.....well he locked his keys in his car because he was in a rush to get in his condo. Why was he in such a rush? He had to go to the bathroom. Ohhhhh I know you are thinking all those rum runners made him want to go to pee. Oh no! That is not what he had to do....it was rum running through his bowels. He had no control and he sh*t his pants! SH*T his pants!!!! Now I am a caring and kind hearted person. I feel sorry for anyone in such a predicament. However, there was absolutely NO reason to tell me this story. That man could have gone to his grave with that tidbit of information and no one would have cared. And why in the hell did he call me and tell me it was an emergency? What did he want me to do.....bring him toilet paper? Hose him down? Imodium was out of the question.
He called me the next day and told me the story again laughing his ass off. I know that had to be a defense mechanism but I told him I didn't think it was funny. I also told him that was a story no one wants to hear, and he should keep that stuff to himself.
Needless to say I never want to the concert but I did get a CD out of the deal. :)
Months later he contacts me by email to ask me how I am doing. He does this because he wants to brag about all the weight he has lost. I happened to mention I was going out and would be at Channelside. He decides to show up. He stays for 20 minutes because he wants to show me how "good he looks." Let me tell you....losing weight does not cure stupidity.
Oh yeah, in the last month he sent me another email "to say hi." That was a read/delete email.
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